Killing with Kindness

Sometimes I look back and think I’ve made things too complicated. Do you ever feel that way? When I wander off the path, I try to go back to the fundamentals. That’s what I want to share here: a simple, stubborn truth from Scripture about our words, our weapon, and our call to kindness.

Back to the basics: put on the armor

When I was in seminary I worked as a janitor at Pioneer Memorial Church. Long quiet hours gave me time to think and to recite Ephesians 6: the armor of God. As I walked the halls I would imagine putting on each piece of armor — the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation — and I found that was a powerful daily practice.

One detail stood out to me then and still does: almost all the pieces of that armor are defensive. They protect us. The one exception is the sword of the Spirit — the Word of God. The Bible tells us the Word is our only offensive weapon in spiritual warfare, and that has consequences for the way we use our speech.

The Word is alive and it cuts

Hebrews 4:12 says the Word of God is “alive and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit.” In other words, the Word cuts. It gets to the heart. It can heal, convict, and transform — but it also pierces.

That’s why we cannot treat Scripture the way we treat a petty insult or a weapon we wave at people to score points. God’s Word cuts rightly. When it is needed, it should be used — but used carefully, prayerfully, and in love.

The temptation to be blunt — and why bluntness often wounds

Far too many of us think it’s our job to “cut” with our tongues. We brandish Scripture like a sword to wound someone who annoys us, to put someone in their place, or to prove we’re right. I used to picture people as if they were in my crosshairs — and, if I’m honest, there are still moments I need to repent of that reflex.

I remember a small correction I made in a sermon when I mixed up verses — I said Ephesians when I meant Hebrews — and a friend politely pointed it out. That sort of gentle correction should model how we speak to one another. Being blunt or rude is often called frankness, but as the book Gospel Workers warns, that kind of “frankness” can be selfish and cruel. We can criticize, wound, and say disagreeable things while thinking we’re doing God’s work.

Jesus’ example: truth spoken in love

Jesus never suppressed truth, but he never needlessly hurt a sensitive soul either. Desire of Ages puts it well: “Christ spoke the truth always in love... He never needlessly spoke a severe word; never gave needless pain to a sensitive soul.” Even when He rebuked hypocrisy or unbelief, there were tears in His voice.

If Jesus — who had every right to strike back — delivered rebukes with tenderness, how much more should we temper our words with love?

An example from Scripture: David and Saul

Consider 1 Samuel 24. David and his men are hiding in a cave when King Saul unknowingly enters to relieve himself. David’s men urge him to kill Saul — there’s the perfect opportunity — but David refuses. He says, “Far be it from me... that I should stretch out my hand against the Lord’s anointed.”

David only cuts off the hem of Saul’s robe, and even that small act pricks his conscience. He repents. David understood Romans 12:17 — “Never pay back evil for evil.” Instead he honored what was right in the sight of all.

Proverbs 25:21–22 goes further: if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if thirsty, give him water. Doing so heaps “coals of fire” on his head — a vivid image of purification and of giving someone the best chance to repent. Kindness becomes an instrument of God’s refining fire, not a weapon of revenge.

Why kindness matters

• Kindness opens hearts. The Word, coupled with tenderness, convicts without crushing.
• Kindness imitates God. He repaid our evil with good and gave us time and mercy.
• Kindness preserves Christian unity. We’re going to live together in heaven; we owe each other the effort to live peaceably now (Romans 12:18).

Mark Twain said, “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” Anne Frank reminded us that even the smallest kindness can change the world. I’ve seen that truth in small, personal ways — in a memory of my father’s work with Christian Record Services and a small bottle given to him by a blind child that meant the world.

Practical steps: how to “kill with kindness”

1. Pray first. Ask God to guide your words and bless the person you’re dealing with.
2. Remember the Word cuts — don’t substitute your sharp tongue for God’s sword. Use Scripture, not sarcasm.
3. Speak truth in love. If correction is needed, deliver it gently, with tears if necessary, like Jesus.
4. Choose kindness to those who mistreat you. Feed the hungry, give water to the thirsty — practical acts disarm hostility.
5. Practice putting on the armor each morning. Let the belt of truth and the breastplate of righteousness shape your speech.

Conclusion: live the gospel

We are in a spiritual battle, but most of our weapons are defensive. The Word of God is our only proper offensive tool — and even that must be wielded with prayer, humility, and love. Too often we become children with cap guns, firing off words until we’re out of ammunition and have done lasting damage.

Let us stop repaying evil with evil. Let us speak with grace, season our speech with salt (Colossians 4:6), and be “sweet to the soul and health to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24). Let us be kind — not because it’s easy, but because Jesus did it first, and because kindness wins where bluntness wounds.

Killing with kindness isn’t a slogan; it’s a discipline. It’s putting on the armor, praying for wisdom, and choosing mercy over impatience. May we be people who speak truth, but speak it in love.

— Pastor (original message delivered by Gentry SDA Church)

Watch the original sermon from Gentry SDA Church for the full message and examples.