The Show Me State: Surrendering the Idol of Control

We had such a blast a couple of months ago at "Outdoor Church." If you were there, you remember the chaos and the joy of the children’s division doing "Escape the Plagues." We had frogs to toss back in the Nile, flies to round up, and—my personal favorite—the popping of the boils. It was a wonderful time, especially hearing our head elder, Joel, explain the true meaning of the Passover.

Today I wanted to talk about the "plagues" that nest in our own hearts—specifically, the ones we don't like to admit are there.

Going at it "Hammer and Tongs"

Let’s open our Bibles to Galatians 5:19 to look at the works of the flesh. We all know the "big" sins on that list: adultery, murder, sorcery. But buried in that list is a word that hit me like a ton of bricks recently: contentions.

I’ll be honest with you—my wife and I don't have a perfect marriage. We attended a marriage seminar back in December (reluctantly enjoyed it!), but the truth is, sometimes we have "differences of opinion." I recently learned a phrase for this: going at it "hammer and tongs". It’s a blacksmithing term for hammering out steel, and sometimes, that’s exactly what an argument feels like.

It is hard to admit when I’m wrong. I often "cut my nose off to spite my face" just to prove a point. But as I looked at that word contention, I realized it’s defined as striving in controversy or debate. It’s competition.

And that led me to a tough realization: Do I have peace in my household? Or do I just have control?

I heard a podcast recently that noted if you only have peace when everyone else does what you say, you don't actually have peace—you have control.

The Skit That Never Was

Let me give you a real-life example of my own struggle with this. For that same Outdoor Church event, I had a brilliant idea (or so I thought). I was going to put on a skit about putting on a skit. I made posters. I set up meeting times. I was ready to direct the youth.

The day came for the meeting... and zero people showed up.

Instead of accepting that maybe this wasn't the right path, my "control" setting kicked in. I thought, I’ll fix this. I’ll recruit people myself. Two weeks before the event, my wife innocently asked where I was with the play. I was behind, no one had volunteered, but I snapped into defensiveness. I went for the "hammer and tongs" because I felt my control slipping.

God eventually moved me in a different direction, and the event was wonderful without my skit. But that moment showed me something ugly in my heart. I wasn't trusting God; I was trying to force my will.

The "Show Me" Prayer

We often think of sin as doing bad things. But James 4:17 tells us, "Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin". Sometimes, the sin isn't what we do, but what we refuse to let go of.

Control is the illusion that we can make life work better than God can. It’s like a neighbor two doors down painting their house bright orange. Your first instinct is to call the HOA, get a petition, and stop it because it affects your property value. You want it your way.

But here is the prayer I’ve learned to pray, even though it’s dangerous: "Lord, show me."

I don't pray for humility (because I’m scared of how God might answer that!), but I do pray, "Lord, show me the state I am in. Show me what I’m not seeing".

God answered that prayer. He showed me that my frustration, my anxiety, and my need to manage everyone around me was actually a lack of trust in Him.

Moving from Control to Surrender

If you find yourself constantly worrying, trying to fix people, or exploding when things don't go your way, you might be dealing with the idol of control. So, how do we fix it? Here are four things I’m trying to practice:

1. Pause before you react. James says to be slow to speak and slow to become angry. A moment of silence can prevent a mountain of regret.

2. Let go of expectations. Expectation is the thief of joy. Not everyone will do things your way, and that is okay.

3. Give people to God. Write down the names of the people you are trying to "fix" and put them in your Bible. Tell God, "They belong to You".

4. Celebrate God’s Sovereignty. Remind yourself daily that God is in control, not you.

God isn't asking you to try harder today. He’s asking you to trust deeper. He’s inviting you to surrender.

Let’s stop going at it "hammer and tongs" with the people we love and with God’s plan for our lives. Let’s choose peace instead.

Lord, show me where I need to change. And then, give me the grace to let go.